Aku rasa aku mula faham, kenapa orang takut nak pergi hospital & check their mental status.
Aku tak tahu status mental aku sekarang macam mana. But, there will be time, the only thing that come across my mind is "Die. Die. Die.", "You are such a trouble some person, useless, incompetent", "Baik mati je", "Harap la aku accident, pastu meninggal".
But, I scared to tell this to anyone except my bestie. I can feel it yang dorang hanya akan cakap "Lemah.", "Dia tu pemalas je", "Masalah management je ni", "Halah itu pun tak boleh, bukan susah pun", "Tak bersyukur".
I feel like, yes, they tell the truth. I hate my incompetencies, I hate that I love to sleep, if possible, I want to sleep all the time, dari subuh sampai malam.
But I have to get up. Many things to do, banyak jugak benda yang tertangguh, rasa tak reti lead the team. I don't have any right to say anything. It's just excuses.
Tahun ni, masuk 2 kali aku rasa macam ni. When everything is miserable, clinical postings, FYP, PBL, responsibilities that I hold. Why can't I be strong as others? I want to cry all I want.
Teringin nak mati, tapi amal tak cukup lagi.
